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At work today, our client informed us we need to pick up sales with a new marketing plan for their iPhone app. Only we are not allowed to use Twitter, Facebook, Search Marketing, or run a Sweepstakes. Those haven't been approved yet. And they wonder why sales are so bad. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 04/25/18 at 6:20pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (10) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( marketing sales iphone )

At work today, I was told by someone in the lunchroom that I deserved a pay raise. They were sitting right next to me but somehow missed my nametag just below my face. It's in red bold letters and says "INTERN". I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 04/25/18 at 3:11pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (5) Permalink
Filed Under: Just Dumb ( intern pay raise )

At work today, I was carrying boxes to the elevator and they were stacked pretty high. My coworker came up next to me. "Need a button?" she asked. She pressed it- but forgot to hold open the elevator door as I adjusted my load. Thanks a lot. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 04/25/18 at 12:52pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (4) Permalink
Filed Under: Just Dumb ( carrying boxes elevator )

At work today, all the employees at my company got a notice about a class action suit against the company. I kept it secret. My coworker, of course, asked my boss if he could help him "figure this darn lawsuit thing out." I'm dumbemployed.

by rad_line on 04/25/18 at 8:33am - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (2) Permalink
Filed Under: Just Dumb ( class action lawsuit dumb )

At work today, a customer wanted to buy a hot plate for his dorm. I asked him if that was illegal. "Yeah," he said. "But the things I do with the hot plate are even worse." I didn't ask any more questions. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 04/24/18 at 6:20pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (4) Permalink
Filed Under: Customers ( hot plate dorm illegal )

At work today, one of the guys alone at the bar was harassing girls. I told him to cool it. He said he'd give me a big tip if I got him laid. I told him I'd need enough money to buy him a hooker, because that was the only way I could do it. He actually thought about it. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 04/24/18 at 3:11pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (6) Permalink
Filed Under: Customers ( hooker girls bar )

At work today, my boss decided that a "strapping" bike messenger like me could carry an extra thirty pounds on his back. Now I'm going to go to the chiropractor and try to fix myself. I'll probably spend the whole month's wages. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 04/24/18 at 12:52pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (6) Permalink
Filed Under: Bosses ( bikes messenger back )

At work today, my boss challenged me to play him in a Facebook "Mafia" game. I thought those things were for kids. Now I'm required to be part of my boss's mob- or else. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 04/24/18 at 8:33am - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (10) Permalink
Filed Under: Bosses ( facebook games mafia )

At work today, I was watering the office plants when I looked inside the dirt pot. I found a keyring, a piece of gum, an empty Mountain Dew bottle, and a business card inside. It was my business card. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 04/23/18 at 6:20pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (9) Permalink
Filed Under: Weird Shift ( litter watering potted plant )

At work today, I had to label a thousand samples. Literally, a thousand. For some reason, sales representatives can't match a picture in a catalogue with an actual shoe. These are the people selling it, and they don't know what it looks like. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 04/23/18 at 3:11pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (8) Permalink
Filed Under: Overtime ( shoes samples sales )

At work today, my crush came in and said that she was swamped and really needed my help balancing spreadsheets. I envisioned a long night together and agreed to help. "Thanks!" she said. "See you later!" I'm still working on it, alone. I'm dumbemployed.

by anonymous on 04/23/18 at 12:52pm - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (9) Permalink
Filed Under: Overtime ( late night balancing spreadsheets )

At work today, I was already auditioning department store Santas. This year's crop was decent, but the beards aren't in yet. That's why I had to make a paper model beard and hold it up to all their faces. It took hours. I'm dumbemployed.

by pacifistgoat on 04/23/18 at 8:33am - Yep, you're Dumbemployed (5) Permalink
Filed Under: Overtime ( beards paper model hours )
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