At work today, my boss requested I write him a dinner toast. I wrote one about our new product. He sent it back to me with a note. "The toast was supposed to be for my niece's engagement." The niece I've never met, of course. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, my coworker gave me what he called "declassified materials." The materials? A brochure from 1994. I didn't ask why he was acting like we were spies. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, we shared a cheese platter in the office. Unfortunately, half the wedges were rotten. Despite this, we all ate from it to save face with the client. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I actually got to record a PSA for our nonprofit. Cool, right? Only when we started filming did I learn that I'd be doing the voice only- for a puppet. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, it was "24" night at the bar. Everyone watched the show, and they all got way too into it. We had 3 broken glasses slammed down on the bar. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, my supervisor claimed that I was scheduled for 3. I literally pointed to the schedule that said 4. "I make the schedule," he said, "so I'm right." I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I played the 12-1 shift at a Potbelly restaurant. I sit up in a perch, play guitar, and wait for someone to hear me. I'm still waiting. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I got a letter from our overseas corporate partner. The letter was 21 pages. And in Finnish. Hello Google Translate. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I sold feed for our petting zoo. One kid bought almost $3.00 worth. Then, of course, he started crying when our goat began to chase him around the entire zoo. I had to save him. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, my boss asked me to help a hotel guest find his room. Only twenty minutes later did we figure out he hadn't checked in yet. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I was working as a blackjack dealer at our casino. Do you know how many times I had someone with 20 points ask me to hit them? I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I finally ended my two year relationship with coffee. Naturally, today turned out to be "free coffee" day at the office. I'm having an affair with caffeine yet again. I'm dumbemployed.