Weird Shift

At work today, I decided to break my coffee addiction and replace it with Red Bull. I may have missed the point. My tongue is a strange color and I have had a few hallucinations. The bad part? I'm still so, so bored. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, about half of the kids in my class were pretending to be vampires. Have you ever seen a first grader claim to be a "messenger of the undead"? It's a little creepy. Especially when it seems authentic. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I gave a massage to a first time client. He showed up and stripped right away. And in a bag, he had a special oil. Who brings their own oil? I was scared to even touch it. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I gave a tour of the factory floor to a group of temps we hired. one raised his hand. "Excuse me," he said, "but where exactly is the gym?" It's a factory kid, not a health club. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I was daydreaming when I saw a mosquito hit the window. he hit it again and again. Trust me body, you don't want to come inside here. I'm banging my head on the window trying to get out. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, there was a news story about some hick who thought he'd seen aliens. My coworker and I were laughing. "Man," he said, "I'm glad those aliens didn't get me." That's not why I was laughing. I'm dumbemployed.

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At work today, I almost broke my finger. How? I was replacing the water cooler and nearly smashed my finger into the whole. I'm glad I didn't- I don't think many people would want to drink that. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I decided to call a temp agency to try and score a job. The guy sounded a little grizzled. "What are your limits?" he asked me. He was serious. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, my laptop keys were a little sticky. I accused my friend of being the culprit. He said he was. But he wouldn't tell me why they were sticky. Ew. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, my girlfriend called at work. Not appropriately. She started talking dirty. Aren't speakerphones great? I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I tried to catch up on news and thought that I'd buy a newspaper in our mall. Turns out that's impossible. Guess they only have room for 3700 copies of US Weekly. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I rented a car to a cute young girl. Everything went fine until the end, when she asked me a question. "And do you all clean blood stains out, or do I?" I'm afraid for my life. I'm dumbemployed.