Bosses

At work today, I asked my boss if I could have Christmas Eve off. He asked for "more advance notice." Is three months really not enough notice? What a Scrooge. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I had the honor of cleaning up the bathroom in our roller rink. I brought a lot of soap. Turns out roller skates make way too many people sick to their stomach. I smell like vomit. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, the nervous temp kept hovering over me asking questions. Later, I saw my boss by the bathroom. "By the way," he said, "leave the temp alone." I was dumbfounded. I'm dumbemployed.

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At work today,I was understandably nervous about a meeting with our division chief. We met over coffee. He spent the entire time talking about his golf game. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I was going through the file cabinet when my boss yelled at me. I jumped. The file cabinet above my head was open. It'll take three stitches to fix. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I hoped to create some synergies between myself and the free donuts out front. It was a good plan. But turns out my boss is a better worker than me- he already ate all of them. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, my supervisor called me in for a "friendly discussion." That meant what it usually means- I spent twenty minutes listening to her complain about her kid. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I smelled a weird paint odor all around the restaurant. I asked my boss- he said it was normal and just part of the job. Not for a breakfast joint, it isn't. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, one of my coworkers was docked for a safety violation on the floor. My boss chided him in public. Then, behind his back, said he thought he was badass. The guy had been drinking on the job. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I drove out to the burbs for my job. It was hell. Long traffic, long lines, and boring. I drove out there because my company is moving there next month. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I was fitting a patient for new contacts and asked them how long they'd worn their current pair. "Four months," she said. They were two week lenses. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I literally begged for the vending machine guy to add Peanut M&Ms. He said "Miss, please get off your knees." Later, my boss told me if I wanted anything, he'd give it to me if I begged like that. In his private office. I'm dumbemployed.