Weird Shift

At work today, I was daydreaming when I saw a mosquito hit the window. he hit it again and again. Trust me body, you don't want to come inside here. I'm banging my head on the window trying to get out. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, there was a news story about some hick who thought he'd seen aliens. My coworker and I were laughing. "Man," he said, "I'm glad those aliens didn't get me." That's not why I was laughing. I'm dumbemployed.

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At work today, I almost broke my finger. How? I was replacing the water cooler and nearly smashed my finger into the whole. I'm glad I didn't- I don't think many people would want to drink that. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I decided to call a temp agency to try and score a job. The guy sounded a little grizzled. "What are your limits?" he asked me. He was serious. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, my laptop keys were a little sticky. I accused my friend of being the culprit. He said he was. But he wouldn't tell me why they were sticky. Ew. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, my girlfriend called at work. Not appropriately. She started talking dirty. Aren't speakerphones great? I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I tried to catch up on news and thought that I'd buy a newspaper in our mall. Turns out that's impossible. Guess they only have room for 3700 copies of US Weekly. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I rented a car to a cute young girl. Everything went fine until the end, when she asked me a question. "And do you all clean blood stains out, or do I?" I'm afraid for my life. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, they installed new glass windows on all four sides of the store. Let's just say we don't work in the safest neighborhood. The owner is glad he got insurance. They'll be installing another new set of windows tomorrow. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I invited some of my coworkers to come over to my house and play poker. Fun, right? Nobody knew the basics. We ended up playing Go Fish. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I was working from home and decided to take advantage of the special occasion. I took off my shirt. Then my pants. Then my underwear. Then, I realized the window was wide open. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I showed up with a new haircut. Most of the people complimented me on it very politely, saying it made me look young, etc. But more than one didn't recognize who I was. I'm dumbemployed.