At work today, I played dumb when it came to a big project, because I didn't want to do it. I played a little too dumb, I guess. They gave a promotion to my coworker. I got a pat on the back. Well, better than being fired. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I was working a sample sale. Have you ever been to one? They get a little...feisty. Today we had two black eyes and a near stabbing with a nail file. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I was working (read: writing recaps of Gossip Girl). Suddenly, a customer tapped me on the shoulder. "I was going to ask you if you had this blouse in red," she said. "But I'd rather talk about Chace Crawford!" We did- for twenty minutes. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, we were supposed to wear "formal" black jeans. Mine were dirty, so I wore khakis. My boss actually scolded me for looking like "a snob." Dockers are for snobs at my job. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I was still recovering from a Saturday night out. I was resting my head on a shopping cart when my boss tapped my shoulder. "Listen," he said, "if I were you, I'd take some Xanax." I almost took him up on it. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I gave a massage to a first time client. He showed up and stripped right away. And in a bag, he had a special oil. Who brings their own oil? I was scared to even touch it. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I gave a tour of the factory floor to a group of temps we hired. one raised his hand. "Excuse me," he said, "but where exactly is the gym?" It's a factory kid, not a health club. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I was trying to memorize my lines for a commercial I booked. I worked really hard to get all the dialogue down perfectly. Then, on set, the director told me: all my lines are going to be in voiceover, not dialogue. I could have just read them off the page. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I tied my hair back into a ponytail for work before teaching. It kept coming undone, so I used a rubber band to hold it. Later, I was reprimanded for misusing school supplies. By the janitor. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, I was driving a limo for some high schoolers. They screamed and drank as usual. But when it came time for the tip, Mommy and Daddy's money didn't go as far. I'm going to start charging gratuities automatically. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, my little brother shadowed me at work. I like my job as a park ranger. But he's a little sour. "Couldn't you get a job inside?" he asked me. You're welcome. I'm dumbemployed.

At work today, we figured out we needed to have more structure. But to do that, we would have to define what structure is and how we would like it. Try being hired to write a 200 pags essay, only to discover you have to invent paper first. Then ink. Then the pen. I'm dumbemployed.